Passing the Time, Chapter 4

Taren cursed, her thoughts mirroring those of her companions. Anger, helplessness and guilt.
“We should have known!” She burst out, “We should have gone with Merlin and Arthur… of course they would have been the targets…”
“We weren’t to know which direction they were running in Taren…” Tristan said, though he hated the situation just as much as the sorceress. Bedivere spoke up,
“The best thing we can do is head back to Camelot. We can get more men, then come back here… retrace their steps. They must have left a trail of some kind…”
“I could stay. Attempt to retrace their steps with magic. It takes time, but I may be able to find something…?”
Bedivere considered Gally’s offer, then shook his head.
“Too dangerous…”
“Yeah,” Gwaine agreed, though he hated the idea of leaving. “There is no point in you risking capture as well… The sooner we get back to Camelot, and report, the better.”
Gally nodded, then sighed, joining the other as they mounted the horses that they had managed to round up again.
“I just hate the thought that the Brotherhood has them… God knows what they are going through…”
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Merlin opened his eyes, and sat up, immediately regretting the action as the whole word seemed to spin. He fell back down again, and that’s when he raised that his hands were bound. He cleared his egad, then shuffled upright, finding out, as he did so, that his ankles were bound as well. Ignoring the pounding in his head, Merlin took in his surroundings. He was in some kind of small room, and the faint light that came in from a small window at the top off the room barely illuminated the area around him. That’s when he realised there was no sign of Arthur.
Merlin sat this way for some time, getting increasingly panicked and frustrated, until he heard footsteps beyond the doorway. The sudden light as it was flung open caused him to blink, but the figure that was thrown in, caused him to forget his discomfort.
“Arthur!”
The bond hair was matted with blood, and his shirt, the chainmail and armour missing, was stuck to his skin with the same red substance. His face was a mass of cuts and bruises, and he looked barely conscious. The figure who came in after him was cloaked, a hood shielding his face.
“Emrys… It is about time you awoke… We have had nothing but defiance and insults from your friend there… I’m afraid we had to punish him for his conduct… Now tell us, where I the creature who bit you? The creature that caused the loss of you magic? The Pendragon has already given up the fact that he creature was too fast for you to catch, but we were hoping you knew of where it may have gone…?”
Merlin felt himself smile, inside his head anyway. Arthur had just ensured that he had a chance of getting his magic back. If they thought the creature was still alive, they would have no reason to believe that the box itself was the anchor to his power. He pasted a bemused look on his face.
“It’s a black, bloody gremlin. How on Earth should I know where the damn thing is?”
“Well… that’s a shame…  I’m afraid the young Pendragon may have to take another turn to have a little talk…”
Arthur had managed to shuffle upright, and was slumped against the wall. His face held an expression of hatred and defiance.
“We don’t know where the damn thing is…”
“Well, we think you are lying… Emrys would have a greater knowledge of the creature that attacked him than he is letting on. That we are sure of… Maybe he needs persuading…”
The figure raised his hand and Arthur was engulfed in a white light. He cried out as the light smothered him and Merlin was horrified at the sight of his exposed skin seeming to burn.
“Arthur! Stop it! Goddamn it, just stop!”
The light dimmed, and Arthur took several deep breaths, stifling his groans.
“Then you know where the creature is?”
Merlin opened his mouth to deny it again, but then thought better of it.
“The Corleeches like shadows. They like the dark and the damp and he cold. Funny, seeing a they seem to latch onto magic…”
“So where would the creature be?”
“Well… the dungeons of Camelot would be a good place to start... you now, make yourself at home and all that…”
Merlin felt something lash across his cheek and held back a cry of pain. He felt blood trickling down his face, but grinned at the hooded figure.
“Hit a nerve there? Did I?”

The figure went to lash out again, but seemed to change his mind.
“Have your fun Emrys. We shall find the creature, and will do so before the week is out. Then we will be in possession of your power and Camelot will fall beneath us.”
“”You won’t get into Camelot…” Arthur gasped, “The entire Citadel will be on high alert…”
“But we do not need to get in. We simply need to send a message to those already in place.” At the disbelieving expression on the pair’s faces, the figure smiled, his mouth visible beneath the shadows.
“Yes… we have had our people in place since Morgana, All hail her, began her campaign to take back what is rightfully hers. We have continued her crusade for the freedom of our people…”
Merlin interrupted, his voice exasperated.
“But they are free. Arthur has repealed the magic ban…”
“Yet still we are feared… avoided…”
“No! But even if that were so, can you really blame these people? Uther made it so that fear and sorcery were the same thing. It will take time for the wounds in this land to heal…”
“Yet you protect the son of the one who did this!”
“Arthur is not his father!”
“It matters not Emrys. We shall not wait for the right to walk unhindered and un-feared! We shall continue Morgana’s legacy!”
“But you are making a mistake. You think that this will cause people to lose their fear of magic?”
“Silence! You are here to further our cause, nothing more! Once your magic is at our disposal, we will have no further need of you… Or your king…”
At these words, the figure spun around and left the room, the door clanging shut behind him.
For a few seconds, there was silence. Then Arthur spoke,
“Just gonna be another one of those weeks, huh?”
“Looks like it… Arthur, what did they…?”
“I’ve had worse… They wanted to know about the creatures. I figured that if they thought… well, it would give you a chance… to you know…”
“Yeah, yeah. It’s probably the best idea you’ve had…” Merlin knew that there was every chance that they were being watched, and understood Arthur’s attempts at speaking cryptically. “So… look like we’re gonna be here for a few days…”
“Yup…” Arthur sighed, then brightened up. “But, you know, this may be the only opportunity I’m gonna get to hear it.”
“Hear what?”
“Your side of the story! I’ve read the scroll from the druids, I’ve heard second hand accounts from people, but I’ve never heard you tell it.”
“Tell what?” Merlin was completely bemused now, and Arthur grinned at the expression.
“Everything. Everything that happened since you arrived in Camelot…”
“… Oh… Well, that might… I mean, it’s a long story and…”
“Well, we’re not going anywhere…”
“I… It’s…” Merlin took a breath then started again. “It’s hard. I’ve never actually told anyone everything…”
“Then you can tell me the basics. If I want to know more, you can always say no…?”
Merlin looked at the hopeful expression on Arthur’s face, and sighed.
“I can try… but… I don’t…”
“Merlin, you don’t have to…” Now Arthur looked guilty. “I didn’t mean to push you…”
“No, it’s okay… It was just… surprising. That’s all.”
“Surprising that I want to hear how you risked your life, over and over, with no thought for reward, recognition or even your own safety?”
“… Well, when you put it like that…” Merlin sighed, nodding. “Okay…”
He was silent for several minutes, and Arthur sat, waiting. He could tell that Merlin was having difficulty with it. Then Merlin spoke up. His voice was low, emotionless, but it captivated Arthur none-the-less.

“The first time I came into Camelot… I had no idea what I was letting myself in for…” As Merlin spoke, of seeing the execution, of meeting Gaius, meeting Arthur, using magic, following the voice of the dragon, finding his destiny and not believing a word of it, Arthur noticed is voice became louder, stronger and held more emotion. He told him of how he saved his life in the hall, how he had hated the thought of being his manservant, and pretty much everything that Arthur had expected. But it was also more. Coming from Merlin, Arthur was amazed at the way he seemed to just pass over these things, as if they did not matter. When they actually mattered. A lot.
The door opened just as Merlin was talking about Valiant. A young man placed a tray of bread and a jug of water down, but Arthur barely noticed, he was so engrossed in what Merlin was saying. He also didn’t notice how Merlin’s voice caught the man’s interest, and of how he hesitated before leaving.
They ignored the food as Merlin went on to explain about Nimueh, and the Afanc. Arthur remembered how he had dismissed Merlin’s admittance of being a sorcerer, and smiled, ruefully, at his own ignorance. Merlin told him about the Dragons words, about them being two sides of the same coin, told him of how he discovered a way to defeat the creature, and how he combined the elements in order to do so.
After that, they paused, to eat and drink. As they were doing so, Merlin having managed to wiggle out of his wrist bonds and been able to free Arthur, making their lives much easier, Arthur looked over to his manservant, and realised that, as Merlin was telling these things, he had seemed to loosen slightly. As though he was getting rid of a burden. His earlier worries, about not being able to tell Arthur everything, seemed to have been forgotten, and, as the two settled back again, Merlin started to speak once more, about one of the things Arthur was most keen to hear about. He felt a huge rush of gratitude towards Merlin as he heard of what had happened with the chalice. The poison. He didn’t realise, however, that Merlin felt the same emotion. Arthur took a few seconds to realise Merlin had stopped talking to him and turned, to see a sheepish expression on the Warlock’s face.
“Arthur? I kinda only just realised… I never thanked you properly for that… For anything that you have done recently either…”
“Yeah, you have…”
“Not properly… You have no idea how much it means to me that Magic is allowed back in Camelot… How much it means to me that… I am free to use it… and to see my people free from persecution…”
The amount of emotion in his voice had Arthur surprised.
“I knew it meant a lot…”
“You honestly have no idea… You have no idea how grateful I am… Honestly… Arthur I… I owe you so much…”
“Like I don’t owe you? Heck, you’ve saved my life so many times in the past… Even though I was a colossal idiot at times… Why did you do it Merlin?”
“What?”
“Protect me? And don’t say destiny. Taren showed me who you are… to the magic population… how important you are… You didn’t have to protect me… risk your life day after day…”
“She showed you?”
“Yeah… That mind thing…”
“And you trusted her?”
“Well… you seem to… And I trust you so there we are.”
“And you wonder why I protected you? Jeez. Okay, here it is. At first, I really hated you. Seriously, hated you. But it took me a matter of days to see that I had been too quick to judge. You were a good person. Too keen on pleasing your father, but a good person. The only reason you were an ass was because your father expected it of you. I listened to the Dragons words, and for some time, they were the main reason I protected you, but soon, it came to the point where it didn’t matter as much. Sure, for a couple of years, it was a factor to why I risked my neck every day. But after a while, it came to the point where I protected you because you were my friend. Because I cared about what happened to you. Because I didn’t want to see you hurt.”
“Even though you thought I would have you executed?”
“… Whilst Uther was on the throne, I guess I was just… Damn it, I was scared. Scared of putting you in a position where you had to choose between me and loyalty to your father. Scared that you would turn me over to him, and that I would leave a half-assed attempt at fulfilling a destiny behind me.”
“Scared for yourself?” Arthur wanted to hear it. Wanted to hear that Merlin had a hint of self-preservation instinct inside him.
“Yes… Of course I was… But I kept at it. And it worked out. I managed to keep hidden. Then, when Uther died… Because of me…”
“Because of Morgana…”
“At my hands…” Merlin insisted, guilt marring his features as he thought back to it, “When Uther died… You were… so… empty it seemed. Lost. Unsure. I wasn’t going to tell you then, on top of everything else. What could I have said? ‘Hey Arthur, Just to let you know that it’s my fault your father died, because, you see, I have magic’. You would have had me executed before I could blink. And you know it’s true…”

Arthur thought back to it, and considered. To his intense shame, not to mention disgust, he realised that Merlin was right. It would have been what he would have done. If he found out about is father…
“But… Things changed.” He complained, “What about when I became king? You have always said I’m not my father… You could have told me…”
“You were upset about your father for quite some time. You remember what you said when he had died?  About Magic?”
Arthur thought back and grimaced,
“I said it was pure evil…”
“Yeah… and those words stuck. If you believed that, how could I tell you?”
“But if you thought that magic would never return, why did you stay? If you believed that magic would never return, why did you keep protecting me?”
“Like I said, you were my friend. I didn’t want to see you hurt…”
“Even though you thought I’d have you killed?”
“I… Yes. But I blamed myself. Still do. It was my fault your father died…”
“But you were my friend Merlin… I don’t know what I would have done, true. But one thing I’m sure of is that I would never have had you executed…”
“But banishment? Imprisonment? How could I protect you then?”
Arthur cried out in frustration.
“Damn it Merlin, Did you never give a damn about yourself? Not once?”
“Yes…” Merlin was touched by Arthur’s obvious concern, but hated the guilty look that haunted his features. “Arthur… I don’t know what to say… I was afraid. Of what you would do… Of revealing something that I’d kept hidden for years… Of not getting the chance to explain…”
“You were afraid of me? You’re the most powerful sorcerer that ever lived…”
“And how would that have helped? It’s not like I would have attacked you. Or any of the others. You could have done anything you wished to do and I wouldn’t have raised a hand against any of you… I thought you knew that…?”
“I do know that. And that’s the problem. There I was, calling you useless… cowardly… idiotic… when you are, in fact, the bravest person I know. And the most loyal…”
“Arthur… I… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ever told you…”
“You’re sorry?” Arthurs face was incredulous, and he laughed in disbelief, “You’re sorry? You’ve protected me for years, risking your neck every bloody day under constant danger of getting caught and executed or god knows what, and you’re sorry? I’m the one who should be apologising. Apologising for every goddamn minute I made your life miserable. And there were a lot of them. You really are the most self-sacrificing, ridiculously brave and ludicrously loyal idiot I have ever laid eyes on.”
Merlin wasn’t sure what to make of the outburst, and the complimentary insult.
“Err… I… So you… you forgive me for lying to you? For so long…?”
“Forgivness? That’s what you want from me?” Arthur realised that Merlin was just… something else. “If that’s what you want, then you take it. It’s not like I’ve ever given you anything else you deserve. And don’t you dare thank me again for everything, because compared to what you have done for me and Camelot, it’s nothing.”

It was quiet for a few minutes, then Arthur spoke again.
“I reckon we need to get some sleep.” He looked a little self-conscious about his earlier tirade, and Merlin smiled, ignoring the stinging that it caused on his face. He lay down, and was just drifting off when Arthur spoke again,
“Oh… and Merlin?”
“Yes?”
“You had better damn well continue telling me everything tomorrow…”
“Of course Sire…” He was cut off by a yawn, and sighed, laying his head down. Before long, he was asleep. Arthur lay there for a few more moments, still finding it hard to believe how self-less and brave and stupid and loyal and… stupid Merlin was, before he felt his eyes closing. He didn’t fight his fatigue, and was soon snoring gently.